Institutionalised By The System

Tue, 14 Jun 2005 18:23:43 GMT

Friends only from now on

comment and I'll add you if I want to

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 00:46:54 GMT

I wrote something tonight.
I don't really know what it means to be honest.
It's not for you though.
It's for the person who asked me to write.
So I wrote.
It's about something that occured to me the other day.
I didn't realise it had occured to me though until I started writing.
Weird that.
Don't you love how your sweetheart's clothes smell?
The aroma of the absentee.
I don't know if I can live that smell.
I certainly can't sleep without it.
I love the smell of my closest friends clothes too.
Can I have some please?
Please?
It will help me.
In many ways.
You'll know if I want yours.
You all read this except for one of you.
My eyes are heavy.
I might sleep.
I might sleep.
I've written that twice without realising.
That's really fucking strange.
I'm going to sleep.
I love you all.

A Letter To Reality

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 11:58:22 GMT

You
Are Becoming Gods

There's a new master of creation
Its you

You've unravelled DNA

And at the same time you're cultivating bacteria to kill
Every
Living
Thing

Do you think you're ready for that much power?

You lot?

You lot?!

Cheeky bastards!

You're running around science like kids with guns
Creating a new world while the world you've got is stinking
Come on
Hands up

Hands up anyone who thinks they've got it right

Yeah
There's always one

I can see you

If you want the position of god then take the responsibility

For Zarzie
May the good times roll!

Sun, 05 Jun 2005 22:00:28 GMT

do you know how i feel?

NO

Fuck you all
Every last one of you

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 01:48:13 GMT

reading though one of those propaganda rags today

you know you get to the sob stories My brother died, then my son, then my husband and 4 days later a murderous chicken slaughtered the remnants of my family

that kinda thing

well today....

they upset me.

I don't know what that means. But I actually could not read them for fear of crying.

What an emo fag. I've turned into the most hated breed in the world....

more hated than chicken spiders.

Tue, 31 May 2005 09:55:24 GMT

OK i want to start a collection of butt plugs.

I want as many people as they can to send me a butt plug.

Please?

I'll get everyone something in return for each butt plug

If you don't live near me then here's the address to post to:

That Guy @ The X-Factor
The Green Room
21 South Street
Chesterfield
Derbyshire
UK
S40 1QX

THANKYOU!!!!!

Hugs & Kisses x x x

imnotstupidjustignorant

Wed, 25 May 2005 23:38:33 GMT

Right. This is an after alcohol post. I'm not drunk. I'm just at the point of clarity.

Effie - I told you tonight a lot of stuff that I didn't think I could open up and admit to you. You know what you mean to me, because you don't read this, what is the point of continuing

Mark - Don't leave me. I love you. You mean too much to me.

Carly - The latest addition to the special friend list. My special friend list isn't very long and it isn't very easy to get onto. You are an incredible person. You are intense. I could spend countless hours with you. You are fantasmic. I love you like I love Mark. How can I not love you? I have told you things after a few days of knowing you that I have never disclosed to people. You have the abilty to worm your way inside me and rip things out. You have touched my heart and I don't want you to go away from me and I'll do everything in my power for you to stay close to my heart. I know you've got the longest post, but it's because you (out of the people that sometimes read this) have taken a lot of my focus. I know a lot of things aren't great for you at the minute but that is what I'm here for. I am learning from you and passing on all appropriate information that I have, which I think you might find useful. Anything you want from me, all you have to do is ask me and I'll present it there for you on a silver platter. Anything you want, it's yours. I have a lot of leverage with a lot of people, you want something, I'll do all I can to lever those people and get something for you. I love you

Mummy - I am eternally grateful to you. You always do the right thing. Even when you do the wrong thing, you do the right thing. I'm sorry for all the times I've wronged you. I love you x x x

That is all for now.

And if anyone complains that they don't have a mention, then obviously they haven't made an effort to further the relationship between themselves and me recently. Before you complain, ask yourself, have you really tried recently?

::EDIT::

Ari: Apologies. We discussed this yesterday and you put forth a reasonable argument for a mention. Indeed lass, it would now seem apparent that you’re as sound as a round pound. No doubt we’ll all see you in about a weeks time when I decide to come and tear up Rock City again by swinging people around by their legs. Because.... I am.... Hardcore. Don’t try to deny it. Sliced bread...

Wed, 18 May 2005 12:30:11 GMT

Your Celebrity Life..Fame or Shame? by William_Wilson
Your Name
You are Dating..
Your Celebrity Rival is
Rumors are that You Fucked..but you did'nt
You instead Secretly Fucked..
This Person Wants You..
You got Into a Fight With
Your Talents Get Compared to..
Drugged you to take advantage one erotic night
Who Stole and Sold your Sex Tape
Who you made the tape with

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Sun, 15 May 2005 01:26:21 GMT

i spent all night worrying about her

i dont like to miss her like this

makes me think what i'd do without her

even though you don't read this
I love you baby
x x x

An Ode To The Now Gutless Cat On The A619

Sat, 14 May 2005 23:54:58 GMT

What do I have to do to get a break?

I stopped drinking when driving.

Still got shit.

I stopped drinking.

Still got shit.

I quit my job.

Still got shit.

I started driving responsibly.

Still got shit.

I tried to avoid a defenseless animal.

Still got shit.

I can't even do a proper job of dying in a car crash.

Still got shit.

I grew up, changed all those friends that my parents and family said I should ditch, got mature, responsible ones that actually care about me.

Still got shit.

I can't sleep or close my eyes for more than 3 seconds without having the horrific event replayed in my mind.

Still getting shit.

I'm now broke, have no job and no car.

Life's still shit.

I need a personality transplant.

I'm still shit.

I worship and adore the girl that I love, but worry about losing her every time she leaves my sight.

Feel like shit.

And you know what the best thing is?

I wrote this while I was taking a shit.

Sat, 14 May 2005 16:01:08 GMT

I nearly lost all of you.

Very early friday morning, 4am, I was driving with a friend of mine who just wanted a chat because she'd got stuff she needed to get off her chest. So we'd been driving for about 2 hours, when I got round a corner and swerved to avoid something that appeared in the middle of the road. The back end of the car started to snake around as I fought to regain control. I got it back just as the car hit the kerb and slid on the front passenger side corner. The passenger window smashed in my friend's face. My head hit the roof and the rear-view mirror flew off and hit me in the middle of the forehead. The windscreen cracked. The car crunched and slid over a grass verge, through a fence and ended up hanging over a ledge with a 6 foot drop on the other side. Once we'd stopped I realised that there was a sharp but hefty length of fencing about 12" away from my window and about 18" away from my head. It was really close.

I wasn't wearing my seatbelt.

Fucking idiot.

Wed, 04 May 2005 15:24:26 GMT

arent i a clever boy then

fixed that bastard fuckin computer after about two weeks of mental

fucking

TORTURE

anyway
with regards to all the shit thats been going down
i dont give a fuck
you know who your friends are

my shit is locked away so tight that only myself certain members of my family and my darling sweetheart can afect them

so dont even try fuckers

i love my friends
my new friends
you mean a lot to me

oh yeah
anyone think i should start paying batty rent?

read coz's fuckin post

Sat, 30 Apr 2005 10:42:09 GMT

http://www.livejournal.com/users/purecamo/27346.html

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 22:30:59 GMT

breakdown #2

thats all

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 23:39:16 GMT

ok who wants an update mo-fuckers

OK,

these are the negative things that have happened recently

health
car
pulled over by the five-oh again - this time for not wearing my seatbelt
the taxi driver who smashed up my car is contesting the damage
being depressed to the point of sillyness
my head being a melon

these are the positive things that have happened recently

effie
coz
greg
sara
built a pc (although it is still a work in progress)
i feel happier
children
orange juice
the green room
the random pissed, unconcious woman i picked up last night and gave a lift home (that's a whole different story, but she was really interesting)
effie
sara
effie
greg
coz

I love greg and coz like family
they're the kind of people who make the world a good place
I love my posse my crew and my family
thankyou everyone

imagine a binary person of me and the girl i love...

they'd nearly be as perfect as wiggy

but not quite

greg, this is for you
i'm here
i'm not going anywhere
I've loved spending time with you
you are fast becoming someone who i feel i can depend on solidly
i don't even know how much we have in common, but what the fuck does it matter
if you're bored, at a loose end, you have my number, call me

and i'll tell you i'm at work
*grin*

coz
two hands

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 23:51:35 GMT

unfortunately where the body goes, the mind follows

a person consists of a body, a mind and a soul
with me 2 of the above are fuckered

at least

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 18:26:31 GMT

doctors expert opinion - im fine

of course i am

stupid fucking idiots

why would i go to see them in the first place

but it would seem that im showing symptoms of having a stomach ulcer

great

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 12:43:56 GMT

courtesy car today

i'll show you the damage shall I?
you cant really see much because I've gaffa taped it.

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 22:08:22 GMT

the latest pile of shit
i hate my photos
its wank
my car got picked up today
R.I.P. poor car
Greg -
i love you

1am

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 23:50:37 GMT

1am
nausea, restless, alone, i have my friends, but i dont have someone to hug
i havent cried for a good few hours
i welled 10 minutes ago
tears havent rolled yet though
they will
next update at in 60 minutes

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 21:22:16 GMT

no one asked

no one asked

no one asked

no one asked

no one asked

no one asked

why?

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 01:56:53 GMT

im fine

who am i kidding?

who would really miss me if i was gone...

really

and before you even fucking DARE to judge me about being all 'emo'

ask

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 02:36:46 GMT

mistake for a taxi again

took the fare though

the price was right

high all night on just one fare

cant be bad

Update your journal

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 12:12:35 GMT

6th April twothousandfive

Me and my girl go to a cocktail bar. I get drunk. I drive home. I get pulled over. I get breathalised. I pass at the mercy of some great being but for some unknown explanation. I get away with a warning. I make a sensible, informed decision to stop drinking.

7th April twothousandfive

I go to the Green Room. It's Thursday. N comes in. N had lost someone close to him through very unpleasant cicumstances. N smashes pretty much every glass in the bar up. Screams and sobs. Tears me up inside. Me, big Chris and little Kris get bored and write our names with spray bottles on the floor in the bar. Then we go outside and see my car, where someone has lovingly written amusing phrases in the 6 inches of dirt that is plastered on it. So we start to clean my car with disinfectant and window cleaner at 3am.

8th April twothousandfive

I go to the Green Room, this time for a coke with my girl. I walk in. Ask Johnny who is on the bar if he's seen N. He replies "Do I look like i have a fucking tracking implant in my head?!". I get very angry. I leave the Green Room to avoid confrontation. I go to the aforementioned cocktail bar. I go to the toilet. I come out of the toilet and walk into Jodie. The girl I haven't seen since I split up with her just over 2 months ago. Neither of us know where we stand. We look at each other a lot. Me and my girl leave. 2 bars in an hour that I'm forced out of for emotional battery. So we go to the old haunt - The Golden Fleece. Another coke. But the only thing that makes me laugh in here is Ripple-head... the bouncer. I hadn't seen him before but I knew his name... Ripple-head. Seeing is believing my friends. Me and my girl go back to mine. We lay on my bed and start talking about how serious we are. After a most bizarre but expected conversation about cars and utah and horizons and about 60 minutes of dancing around a certain subject, we decide that very soon we're going to end up engaged. So from then till now, my mind is occupied with that.

9th April twothousandfive

Worked. Nothing interesting. But I'll take this perfect opportunity to mention about my good friend purecamo who is currently painting a picture of the virgin Mary. We came to a decision that the painting will be mine for a very reasonable fee.

10th April twothousandfive

Worked. Nothing interesting. Except of course that it was mine and Effie's two month anniversary. Aren't we sweet?

11th April twothousandfive

Started feeling ill. Worked anyway. Got abused by several people at work. But I love it.

12th April twothousandfive

Feeling really ill, worked anyway. Got stupidly fucked off at work. Nearly got involved in road rage on the trip home from work (which for those who didn't know is in Nottingham) as some guy tried to cut me up, which I completely ignored, but the guy wanted to get out of his car shouting "Don't try anything funny mate"...he did that right up until he saw what I was grinning so smugly about... the police car sat right behind me at the traffic lights. Seems the guy didn't really have the minerals to do anything in front of them... fucking cunt.

13th April twothousandfive

Nearly done. Mom & Daddy go away don't leave any food or money (I'm not sure with the latter... they wouldn't give me the money anyway) but anyway, I'm a big boy now, surely I can feed myself and work something out. So I do what I know best... go to the Green Room. Plead and beg for some curly fries to get me through until later when I'll be able to blag something else. Spend a few hours in there, tsai walks in. That's about the third time I've randomly been in there and he's also been in. I'm starting to think he's a bit of a barfly. Took him back to mine while I took a shower. He commented on my exceptional taste in interior design. Went to see my girl, blagged a pizza, got home, got high, watched The Godfather while high, fell asleep.

14th April twothousandfive

Wrote a fuckin stupid-long post.

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 10:41:36 GMT

i think im rotting from the inside out
i feel like im imploding

im on the fourth day since ive seen her and already it seems unbearable

ill be seeing her tomorrow i guess but still its been done

arienne seems to have found her path in life

lucky for some

sara is as charming and lovely as ever bless her soul shes a diamond and i think the world of her

i think im finally breaking out into a new world of people
its what i want
i need new people

just spoke to my dad on the phone
three minutes fortyfive seconds never felt so long

i dont really see him any more

ang looks really hot in her new pictures
shes a darl too
ill call her

anyone tried working late shifts before
as in 13:15 to 23:30
hard

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imnotstupidjustignorant